The Barclay's English Premier League

EA Sports · Guru

RE: The Barclay's English Premier League

pocaroba · Guru

I understand. Summer is rough sports-wise, unless you follow baseball. Although following the Mariners right now will make you want to cry in the fetal position.

dold · Senior Member

Well E-roc, it was either World Cup or NBA finals. I'll take the gay label over being forced to watch that garbage.

roddi kneff · Veteran Member

My favorite part of the Onion piece was the blurb in the dialog box at the bottom that said:

"Precedent Set By Baseball Admitting Bunts Were Gay in 2007"

That made me laugh out loud a little bit. That and the great picture of Alexi Lalas with his guitar projecting "an overly macho image".

pocaroba · Guru

Dold officially announces it is gay.

dold · Senior Member

EA, I gotta say man, I've totally got FIFA fever! My entire office really. There's usually at least %90 of us streaming the games at any one time. I started playing in a league, on an actual team a few months ago, and I find that I'm much more invested in watching the games now. Totally scored my first goal last week, pretty much felt like Pele. Are you loving this years world cup sir?

EA Sports · Guru

Or something. I probably would have found that clip funnier had it been "Football Announces It's Gay." You know; tight pants, sweaty men slapping each other on the ass, big dog piles of guys writhing around on the ground. Sounds a lot gayer (gaier?) to me.

More gay.

This was fun to read. I may have to give this another go come August, if for no other reason than to bore the pants off you ****s.

-- Edited by EA Sports on Wednesday 16th of June 2010 07:52:10 AM

Wockenfuss · Guru

Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay

EA Sports · Guru

It's so. I get gehind and can't get myself up to do all the stuff. Maybe this thread can be used for the discussion and education of soccer...

pocaroba · Guru

Say it ain't so!

EA Sports · Guru

EA Sports · Guru

So now that next weekends games arre almost already here, I figured I should recap last weekends games! BTW, there were no games two weekends ago, for a reason I do not recall at this point. I'm going to start adding the dates too.

Saturday October 20

Everton 1 - Liverpool 2
Another "derby" match. This time it's the Liverpool derby (both of these clubs are in L'pool). The Reds come out on top but somewhat controversially, the L'pool manager Rafael Benitez substituted born-and-bred Liverpool player (and captain) Steven Gerrard in the 71st minute, to the consternation of the player and fans alike. Reason being, he's a "red" as you get. He's been in the Liverpool organization since joining the Youth Academy in 1987 and playing Everton is as big a match as you can get for L'pool. Also, Everton went down to 10 men in the 53rd minute due to a red card issued to Tony Hibbert and played that way until the very end of th game when Gary Neville was sent off for Everton for stopping a ball from crossing the goal line with his arm. Yowzaa.

Wigan 0 - Portsmouth 2
Pompey take all 3 points on goals from Benjamin Mwaruwari (81') and former Chelsea defender Glen Johnson (86').

Fulham 0 - Derby 0
Team America draws with last place Derby in what must have been a terribly boring match. Paul Konchesky was sent off for Fulham late in the first half for elbowing an opponent in the face. This is the first point that Derby have earned in an away match.

Middlesbrough 0 - Chelsea 2
My boys Chelsea appear to have the season back on track after gaining their first win away to 'Borough in three seasons, in spite of Didier Drogba sensationally claiming to a French newspaper that he wants to leave Chelsea and believes something is "broken." (Other than his English apparently) Indeed, he even scored in this match (along with defender Alex) and then went on to score again for Chelsea in the midweek Champions League match on Wednesday. We'll see what happens come January, when the transfer window opens again and players are allowed to be bought and sold. The transfer window is kinda similar to the roster freeze in US sports, only a little more difficult to understand. It's open during the summer off-season and then again for the month of January and players may be bought and sold, but during the rest of the year rosters are pretty much frozen, except players may be sent out "on loan," meaning they are still owned by team "x," but they can play for team "y" who pays their salary but doens't own them. At least, I think that's how it works.

Manchester City 1 - Birmingham 0
Man City take all three points thanks to a first half goal from Brazilian Elano, who has turned out to be one of the most exciting palyers of this year to this point.

Blackburn 4 - Reading 2
Blackbur Rovers dominate this match and take all three points thanks to two goals (called a "brace") from Benni McCarthy, one from Roque Santa Cruz, and from Tugay (yes, pronounced too-gay). The lone bright spot for Reading were Kevin Doyle's two late consolation goals.

Arsenal 2 - Bolton 0
Kolo Toure and Tomas Rosicky net for the Gunners as they take 3 points from the hapless Bolton Wanderers who just fired their manager and are now under the control of a temporary "caretaker" manger by the name of Archie Knox.

Aston Villa 1 - Manchester United 4
Villa actually opened the scoring and had the lead thanks to Gabriel Agbonlahor in the 13th minute. But Mn United slowly took control and then ran rampant over the Villians thanks to a brace of goals from Wayne Rooney and one goal each from Rio Ferdinand (who looks like Snoop) and Ryan Giggs.

Sunday October 21

West Ham United 3 - Sunderland 1
A tough and unfair result for Sunderland, who were the better team for large parts of the second half. West Ham opened the scoring in the 9th minute and it stayed that way for the rest of the half before Sunderland equalized in the 52nd minute. But then disaster struck in the 78th minutes as a ball ricocheted off of the upright, struck the back of Sunderland's keeper's legs and went back into the net for an own goal. Then Craig Bellamy (a pretty big douche bag) sealed the win for West Ham in the 90th minute.

Monday October 22

Newcaste United 3 - Tettenham 1
It only gets worse for Tottenham Hotspur, who lose again and then later in the week their manager Martin Jol steps down under pressure. One of last year's better teams, T'ham have definitely struggled to find their form this year and are third from the bottom and in the relegation zone.

Word. I've been making some trades etc. to my Fantasy League team while I've been doing this and I'm realizing how intense and in-depth this stuff gets. Yikes.

EA Sports · Guru

I watched absolutely no soccer this weekend as I was busy celebrating my birthday. But here's what happened: (I'm going to start using some of the nicknames for these teams so you all will realize how ridiculous it is, the number of ways to refer to these teams).

Manchester United 4 - Wigan 0
Cristiano Ronaldo the t*t gets two goals and Wayne Rooney and Carlos Tevez get the other two as Man U(re) pound Wigan into submission.

Aston Villa 1 - West Ham 0
The Hammers fall to the Villians.

Arsenal 3 - Sunderland 2
Arsenal go ahead 2-0 before allowing the Wearsiders to tie up the game 2-2 right after halftime and then leave it until the 80th minute to get the win. And neither of the Arsenal players I have on my fantasy team scored or assisted a goal. Boo.

Blackburn 2 - Birmingham 1
Yawn.

Bolton 0 - Chelsea 1
Salomon Kalou gets the lone goal of the game for Chelsea. I'm seeing that Bolton goalkeeper Jussi Jaaskelainen got a yellow card in te 90th minute and I'm curious what that was for. This is Chelsea's first win in the Premier League since August 25th and their first Premier League goal in 460 minutes. Afer a 2-1 win over Valencia midweek in the Champions League perhaps this is the start of the great turnaround for Chelsea.

Fulham 0 - Portsmouth 2
Team America loses to Pompey.

Liverpool 2 - Tottenham 2
The Reds of Liverpool take an early lead before Robbie Keane nets on either side of the half time break to put the Lillywhites in the lead before a late goal from Fernando Torres saves the Scousers from defeat.

Manchester City 3 - Middlesbrough 1
Two goals from the EPLs newest wonder boy Elano and an own goal from Borough give Man City all three points.

Newcastle 3 - Everton 2
Nicky Butt (no joke, that's his name) scores a goal and gets a yellow card in Newcastle's win.

Reading 1 - Derby 0
Derby just can't seem to win, having only managed to earn 5 points from 9 games (one win and two draws).

EA Sports · Guru

Still no good news for Chelsea a draw at West London rivals Fulham has them in eighth place 7 points behind league leaders Arsenal at 19 points.

Wigan Athletic 0 - Liverpool 1
A goal from midfielder Yossi Benayoun keep Liverpool solidly near the top of the table and Wigan solidly in the middle of the table at 12th.

West Ham 0 - Arsenal 1
After losing former FIFA Footballer of the year Thierry Henry in the off-season to Barcelona of the Spanish La Liga, Arsenal show no signs that they have been impacted by the loss at all with youngsters Cesc Fabregas, Robin Van Persie and Emmanuel Adebayor stepping up and producing for the London club. The currently sit atop the Premier League table with 19 points having played one less game than both teams in second and third place. Yowzaa!

Sunderland 1 - Blackburn 2
David Bentley and Roque Santa Cruz net goals for Blackburn within 2 minutes of each other before Sunderland get a late consolation goal.

Portsmouth 7 - Reading 4
Double yowzaa! On the strength of a hat trick by Benjani Mwaruwari, Portsmouth sneak by Reading. Wish I could have watched this game.

Manchester City 3 - Newcastle United 1
Man City continue their stellar run. They currently sit third in the table, 1 point behind second place Manchester United and 3 points behind first place Arsenal.

Derby 1 - Bolton 1
Promotion side Derby take a point from perrenial mid-tablers Bolton.

Chelsea 0 - Fulham 0
The West London derby I mentioned at the top of the post. Chelsea never looked all that dangerous, nor did Fulham. Of note in this game; Didier Drogba was sent off for his second yellow card of the game in the 74th minute for dangerous play. He jumped and extended his foot to try to control a ball in the air and connected with the side of an opponents head with the studded sole of his shoe. Additionally of note, Chelsea and England national team player, John Terry was substituted at half-time due to a depressed cheekbone fracture suffered when American Clint Dempsey connected to Terry's face with his elbow. Terry will apparently play with a protective face mask, which conjures all sorts of images of Rip Hamilton.

Birmingham 0 - Manchester United 1
Manchester United continue their run of 1-0 wins. They just can't seem to score, which is troubling, considering how much talent they've bought for that team.

Everton 2 - Middlesbrough 0
Everton boss David Moyes 'smell[s] that things were improving a little bit."

Tottenham 4 - Aston Villa 4
This match marked the 125th birthday of Tottenham HotSpur and they celebrated by scoring the first goal of the match and then conceeding 4 goals to go down 4-1 at which point the Aston Villa supporters that were there sang "Happy Birthday" to the Tottenham supporters. Fortunately, T'ham managed to score 3 more goals to get a draw and a point.

EA Sports · Guru

Well it's been a rough week for me. Chelsea lost their manager, Jose Mourinho, mid-week and then lost their game this weekend. Plus the Timbers crashed out of the playoffs this Sunday against Atlanta.

Arsenal 5 - Derby 0
An Emanuel Adebayor hat-trick sinks woeful Derby, who in their last three games have been outscored 11-1. Yikes. Comically enough, though, one of those 3 games was a win against Newcastle.

Liverpool 0 - Birmingham City 0
Nothing to see here. Move along.

Middlesbrough 2 - Sunderland 2
Roy Keane's Sunderland go up 1-0 in the second minute but then concede 2 goals, only to get the equaliser late in the game and claim one point away from home.

Reading 2 - Wigan 1
Reading open the scoring but allow Wigan to equalise before claiming all 3 points late on in the game.

Fulham 3 - Manchester City 3
Wow. 6 goals. The second time in 3 games that 6 goals have been scored in a game involving Fulham. As exciting as that may be, can't be that great to keep failing to win games.

Newcastle 3 - West Ham 1
Newcastle come back from last week's "shock" loss to Derby to claim a win against the Hammers.

Aston Villa 2 - Everton 0
Everton are really struggling this year, especially forward Andy Johnson who hasn't been able to come close to his decent form of last year.

Blackburn 0 - Portsmouth 1
Blackburn lose for the first time in the league this season on a strike from Pompey's Kanu.

Bolton 1 - Tottenham 1
Robbie Keane puts T'ham up 1-0 only for Ivan Campo to equalise 4 minutes later to split the points.

Manchester United 2 - Chelsea 0
Where to begin...as I said earlier, Chelsea and manager Jose Mourinho parted ways in the middle of the week, promoting Avram Grant from inside the organization to the manager's position. First off, the ref this week, Mark Dean, was absolutely horrible. He red-carded the equally horrible John Obi Mikel two-thirds of the way thru the first half, for what certainly was a bad foul, but not a red-card. And then 3 minutes(!) into the 2 minutes of first half stoppage time Carlos Tevez scores. The other egregiously sh!tty call comes right near the end as Louis Saha takes one of the worst dives I've seen in a while (described on skysports.com thusly: "going down in outlandish fashion under minimal contact") and "earns" Man Ure a penalty, which he converts to make it 2-0. Please bear in mind that, while I am a Chelsea fan, the commentator even remarked about how Dean's officating was awful. Horsesh!t I say.

EA Sports · Guru

I think Germany ended up winning that game 2-0 on a brace by Brigit Prinz, the new all-time leading FIFA Women's World Cup Leading scorer.

On to other things:

Everton 0 - Manchester United 1
Man U seem to be back in form, picking up another win this week on a header from defnder Nemanja Vidic after their disastrous start to the season.

Portsmouth 0 - Liverpool 0
'Pool keeper Pepe Reina saves a penalty kick awarded to Pompey.

Tottenham 1 - Arsenal 3
Gareth Bale puts T'ham in the lead in the 14th minute but the Gunners come away victorious in this London derby at T'ham's ground, ****e Fart Lane, I mean White Hart Lane.

Wigan 1 - Fulham 1
American Clint Dempsey put Fulham ahead early at Wigan's stadium, the JJB, but a late penatly awarded to Wigan keeps Fulham from taking all 3 points from this match.

West Ham 3 - Middlesbrough 0
The Hammers net 3 in the second half to secure their first home win of the season.

Sunderland 2 - Reading 1
Kenwyne Jones and Ross Wallace put Roy Keane's side up 2-0 but Reading score a late goal though can't manage to draw level.

Birmingham City 1 - Bolton 0
City handle Bolton handily.

Manchester City 1 - Aston Villa 0
Man City halt the two game losing skid thanks to a Michael Johnson strike early in the second half.

Derby 1 - Newcastle 0
Kenny Miller scores a superb goal to give Derby their first victory of the season.

Chelsea 0 - Blackburn 0
Soloman Kalou has a goal disallowed for offsides for Chelsea, that, upon further review, appeared to have been onside, robbing Chelsea of all three points. Boo.

pocaroba · Guru

If you aren't posting these on a blog somewhere you really should. They are awesome. Dedicate yourself to it and run with it.

I watched 5 minutes of a Japan vs. Germany women's game this morning at like 6am. You know what, no one even came close to the goal. Soccer!

Wockenfuss · Guru

You're sticking with it. I respect that.

EA Sports · Guru

Alright, more updates (late of course) from last weekends action with abbreviated commentary as I'm about to head to Canada to watch the Timbers play the Vancouver Whitecraps tomorrow.

Bolton 1 - Everton 2
Join Chelsea at the top of the table.

Fulham 3 - Tottenham 3
T'ham give up a draw very late in the game on an amazing shot. I wish I could find it on YouTube, it's pretty hot sh!t.
This isn't YouTube but here's the URL of a site with video of both halves of this game. Watch the second half and it's the last goal.
bicycle goal chips the keeper

Liverpool 6 - Derby County 0
the pool whup up on Derby and join Chelsea and Everton at the top of the table.

Middlesbrough 2 - Birmingham City 0

Newcastle 1 - Wigan Athletic 0

Reading 0 - West Ham United 3

Manchester United 1 - Sunderland 0
Man Ure get a win over S'land and former player Roy Keane.

Arsenal 3 - Portsmouth 1
Arsenal join Chelsea, Everton and L'pool at the top

Blackburn 1 - Manchester City 0
Man City slip in their amazing start of season run of wins.

Aston Villa 2 - Chelsea 0
Boo. Chelsea have never won at Villa Park apparently, so a loss doesn't come as much of a surprise.

-- Edited by EA Sports at 18:42, 2007-09-08

EA Sports · Guru

Yeah, who knows how long I'll be able to keep at it.

pocaroba · Guru

This thing is just getting frightening.

EA Sports · Guru

Here we are: Chelsea go top of the table thanks to a win over Portsmouth and an Arsenal defeat of Manchester City.

Sunderland 0 - Liverpool 2
The 2-0 scoreline belies what was apparently a fairly tightly contested match. Roy Keane's Black Cats just couldn't break thru the Liverpool defense and ultimately couldn't keep the Reds out of their own goal.

Chelsea 1 - Portsmouth 0
Chelsea midfielder Frank Lampard blasted Chelsea ahead in the 31st minute, although the goal owed much to the bravery of Didier Drogba, who collected a kick in the face for his efforts as he found Lampard with a flick-on. Chelsea controlled this match on either side of the half time interval with Pompey nearly collecting an equalizer 3 minutes from time.

Derby 1 - Birmingham City 2
A battle between two newly promoted sides. Kinda dull.

Bolton 3 - Reading 0
I'm a bit shocked by this score. I don't think Bolton are particularly good and I definitely hold Reading in pretty high esteem (except for that c u next tuesday Stephen Hunt). Apparently testy stars Nicolas Anelka and El Hadji Diouf combined for some great play in this match, propelling Bolton to all three points.

Arsenal 1 - Manchester City 0
Cesc Fabregas put City keeper Peter Schmeichel's glorious start of the season shut-out run to an end. Additionally, this City loss and Chelsea's win put Chelsea alone atop the EPL table!

West Ham United 1 - Wigan Athletic 1
Don't have much to say about this one.

Aston Villa 2 - Fulham 1
Aston Villa down Team America 2-1 on the strength of substitute Shaun Maloney's late winner. American National Team player Clint Dempsey put Fulham in the lead in only the 4th minute but there was no joy in Mudville for the american-player-rich Fulham side. Of note, last game week US international Brian McBride dislocated his knee cap while scoring a goal and faces being sidelined for three months. Boo.

Everton 1 - Blackburn 1
American Brad Friedel plays for Blackburn, but I still can't really stand that team.

Manchester United 1 - Tottenham Hotspur 0
T'ham should have earned at least a draw from this match, but for the referee failing to give what should have been an obvious penalty. Man United have (finally) collected their first win of the new season. and it was an inevitability, but they should not have won this game. Mega-douche Cristiano Ronaldo is still sidelined due to his red card a couple weeks ago.

Middlesbrough 2 - Newcastle United 2
Apparently, 4 outstanding goals produced this 2-2 scoreline though I don't give enough of a hoot about either of these teams to watch this match.

EA Sports · Guru

Come watch some "footie" with me some time.

Wockenfuss · Guru

This is scintillating.

EA Sports · Guru

Gameweek 3 Report:
Boys the matches are coming fast and furious, let's try to keep up shall we? :)

Wigan Athletic 3 - Sunderland 0
Roy Keane's boys suffer a 3-0 loss at the hands of Wigan. Roy Keane in his postmatch interview made comments that left the impression that he was less than impressed with some of his boys' perfomances. Look to see some new faces in the line-up.

Tottenham 4 - Derby 0
After an atrocious start to what should have been a promising season T'ham make good with an absolute romp over promotion side Derby jumping to a 3-0 lead in the first 14 minutes. My sister was happy.

Reading 1 - Everton 0
Everton suffer their first loss of the season to a Stephen Hunt (which rhymes with a part of the female anatomy) goal.

Portsmouth 3 - Bolton 1
Portsmouth take all three points from bottom of the table Bolton.

Newcastle 0 - Aston Villa 0
Ho hum

Fulham 1 - Middlesbrough 2
American international player Brian McBride opens the scoring but dislocates his knee-cap scoring the goal and had to be substituted. American Clint Dempsey misses a golden opportunity to bring Fulham on terms (i.e. 2-2).

Birmingham 0 - West Ham 1
B'ham remain in the bottom 3 (the relegation zone) dropping all three points to West Ham.

Manchester City 1 - Manchester United 0
Man United are off to their worst start in 15 years, having only managed to take 2 points from their first 3 matches (which I'm enjoying thoroughly). This is the Manchester "derby," meaning rivalry, and always a hotly contested match.

Liverpool 1 - Chelsea 1
Chelsea manage to take a point from L'pool's home turf, Anfield, on what some people call a questionable penalty. New L'pool signing Fernando Torres gets his first EPL goal in his first EPL start but he's the new Cristiano Ronaldo, diving everywhere and generally making a nuisance of himself in the beautiful game.

Blackburn 1 - Arsenal 1
Blackburn are a dirty side and only a huge gaffe from Arsenal goalkeeper Jens Lehmann (his second bonehead move of the season) saves Blackburn from going down to defeat.

The EPL table: Games played - goal differential - points
1 Man City 3 4 9
2 Chelsea 3 2 7
3 Wigan 3 3 6
4 Everton 3 2 6
5 Portsmouth 3 2 5
6 Newcastle 2 2 4
7 Arsenal 2 1 4
8 Blackburn 2 1 4
9 Liverpool 2 1 4
10 Reading 3 0 4
11 Sunderland 3 -2 4
12 Tottenham 3 1 3
13 Fulham 3 -1 3
14 Middlesbrough 3 -1 3
15 West Ham 2 -1 3
16 Man Utd 3 -1 2
17 Aston Villa 2 -1 1
18 Birmingham 3 -2 1
19 Derby 3 -5 1
20 Bolton 3 -5 0

EA Sports · Guru

Gameweek 2 Report:

Before I get into the actual matches (that's what they call games) I feel I should explain how gameweeks work. Most of the time in the EPL, matches are played on Saturdays and Sundays. However, due to holidays and other competitions that the EPL teams compete in (the Carling Cup, the FA cup, Champions League, UEFA Cup) it can get a little irregular, to wit; this "week" (which is less than a week after last weekends matches) is being held in the middle of the week with only 14 of the 20 teams playing league matches. Don't worry though, everything will be evened out by the end of the season, in that a season consists of every team playing every other team twice, once at home and once away (38 games per team). Additionally I should mention that in the EPL points are scored thusly: 3 points for a win, 1 point for a draw and 0 points for a loss. That being said, here are this weeks match results:

Tottenham 1 - Everton 3
Everton start their season with 2 wins and T'ham start theirs with 2 losses. I have 3 Everton players on my fantasy team and they've been doing well for me so far. Until this week I had T'ham's striker Dimitar Berbatov and he hadn't done much for me, so with a recurrance of a groin injury I have gotten rid of him.

Birmingham City 2 - Sunderland 2
Roy Keane's Sunderland make a good start to the season, taking 4 out of a possible 6 points from their first two matches. Newly promoted side B'ham City earn their first point of the campaign.

Fulham 2 - Bolton 1
Fulham earn their first 3 points of the season, while Bolton have failed to earn any points out of their first 2 games.

Manchester City 1 - Derby 0
Manchester City, under new manager Sven Goran Ericson, have earned full points from their first 2 matches and are currently co-leaders with Chelsea and Everton. Derby, on the other hand, have earned only one point from their first two games.

Portsmouth 1 - Manchester United 1
Defending EPL champions Man United have only managed two points from their first two games plus head douchebag Cristiano Ronaldo received a red card (was "sent off") in this match, meaning he will miss the next 3 matches due to that red card. Of particular note, Man U play crosstown rivals Man City next week in the Manchester derby (that means rivalry game basically).

Reading 1 - Chelsea 2
After a terrible start to this game for Chelsea they manage to come back to take all three points from this encounter with a 2-1 win. A missed punch from Chelsea keeper Petr Cech, lead to Reading defender Bikey tapping home to take the lead. Also in the first half, Chelsea defender Ricardo Carvalho appeared to inure his groin and was substituted shortly there after. Then at the half, Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho substituted two players (meaning he would not be able to make any more substitutions for the rest of the game, teams being only allowed three subs per game). However it paid off, as Chelsea midfielder and England international player Frank Lampard leveled the score within 3 minutes of the restart and Didier Drogba netted the go-ahead goal just 3 minutes after that. The defense looked terribly shaky in the first 45 minutes but toughened up considerably to start the second half. There were some more iffy moments in the second half but they held off Reading to take a full 6 points from their first 2 matches.

Wigan 1 - Middlesbrough 0
Wigan take their first three points of the season on a goal from midfielder Antoine Sibierski. Middlesbrough have yet to take any points thus far in league play.

The EPL Table
1 Everton - 2 GP(games played) - 6 points
2 Manchester City - 2 GP - 6 pts
3 Chelsea - 2 GP - 6 pts
4 Sunderland - 2 GP - 4 pts
5 Newcastle - 1 GP - 3 points
6 Arsenal - 1 GP - 3
7 Blackburn - 1 GP - 3
8 Liverpool - 1 GP - 3
9 Fuham - 2 GP - 3 pts
10 Wigan Athletic - 2 GP - 3 pts
11 Portsmouth -2 GP - 2 pts
12 Manchester United - 2 GP - 2pts
13 Birmingham -2 GP - 1 pt
14 Derby - 2 GP - 1 pt
15 Reading - 2 GP - 1 pt
16 Aston Villa - 1 GP - 0 pts
17 Middlesbrough - 2 GP - 0 pts
18 West Ham - 1 GP - 0 pts
19 Bolton - 2 GP - 0 pts
20 Tottenham - 2 GP - 0 pts

EA Sports · Guru

A friendly is a game that has no affect whatsoever on any sort of competition (i.e. cup or league play), i.e. Chelsea plays Reading tomorrow and the winner of that game will get three points in the standings of the EPL. The opposite being two years ago when Chelsea played the Major League Soccer All-stars "for fun." One thing to bear in mind - the soccer season in the US runs through the summer, whereas the soccer season everywhere else in the world runs from August to May, i.e. thru the winter.

When a team wins promotion another team does indeed get "relegated." For example, this past May at the end of the English soccer season, in the EPL, Sheffield United, Charlton Athletic and Watford finished 18-19-20 and were relegated as the three worst teams in the EPL. In their places Sunderland, Derby County and Birminham City won promotion from the Football League One (also known as the Coca-Cola Championship, which is the next highest football league in England). In the Football League one, only the top two teams at the end of the season win automatic promotion. The next 4 highest finishing teams battle for the final promotion spot in a mini-tournament. Though, the relegation/promotion rules vary from country to country and indeed from league to league in those countries. Suffice it to say, when a team is relegated another is promoted in its place.

Me personally able to watch, or the more general "you?" I currently don't have extended enough cable to watch EPL games, therefore I will be watching the Chealsea-Reading game at the A&L Sports Pub around the corner from my house tomorrow. Channels that carry such sporting events include the Fox Soccer Channel and Setanta Sports.

Drogba is awesome because he is a very accomplished goal scorer. See stats cited below.

Cristiano Ronaldo (who is very different from the Brazilian who goes by the name of Ronaldo) is a mega-douche precisely for the reasons cited below.
In this first video, Cristiano Ronaldo is the blue shirted fellow wearing number 7 that misses the goal completely from inside the 6-yard box. With Homer providing the voice-over.

In this next video CR starts by crying like the nancy-pants I say he is. He then falls on his azz trying to be Mr Tricky. Then he proceeds to get owned by other people tricking him. And then you get a lot of footage of him flopping (also called simulating, because he simulates being fouled to try and gain advantage). Basically, he's a cheat, a dirty cheat.

Alright, so you don't get a second video because this stupid board apparently sees an "emoticon" in the url and it won't post properly. Just go to YouTube and search "Cristiano Ronaldo worst".

pocaroba · Guru

Wow. I have competition...

Questions:

Define "friendly." I have always wanted to know.

When a team gets promoted does another get demoted?

Is any of this on TV that you are able to watch?

Why is Drogba so awesome?

Why is Ronaldo such a douche?

Do the children in (wherever Ronaldo is from) have a dance called the Ronaldo? Because the children in Ivory Coast have been known to dance the Drogba. Now that is idol worship.

Now I will have to work on my hockey update.

EA Sports · Guru

Now that the season has started, I will follow Biff's hockey lead and bore you all with my musings on The Barclay's English Premier League Of Football (The EPL).

First off, In game week one (this past weeked) there were some great results. For one, my team, Chelsea, pulled off a 3-2 win over recently promoted newcomers Birmingham City. That B'ham managed to score two goals gives me some cause for some concern, in that they are recently promoted and should barely be able to get one goal against perrenial powerhouse Chelsea. Though clearly, the addition of French winger Florent Malouda has strengthened the attack greatly, being that he scored an amazing goal in a pre-season friendly and also bagged a goal in the opening game against B'ham. Additionally, another Chelsea newcomer, striker Claudio Pizarro, netted for the Blues in his EPL debut as well. The cause for concern lies at the back. Missing the match thru injury were captain and center back John Terry and Wayne Bridge. The concern comes from the fact that new acquisition Tal Ben Haim must now play in a defense very soon after joining the club. The other concern being that Glen Johnson isn't up to snuff in a defense of this skill level. Indeed, he only managed to garner a match rating of 5 (on a scale of 10) for his play in Sunday's opener. The worst of the group by far. Again though, that the attack has been strengthened is great news. Plus, Didier Drogba, last year's EPL leading scorer with 20 goals in league play (and 33 in all competitions) made a return from injury to play the final 27 minutes. Chelsea look stronger this year, however, injuries at the back look to figure prominently agian this year. Here's to hoping Terry can remain moslty injury free to lead the back line.

The other great result was the 0-0 draw between Reading (pronounced Red-ing) and Manchester United (pronounced fcuking tossers). Last year's EPL champs, Man U, look to have strengthened their side considerably with the addition of Nani (from Portugal's Sporting Lisbon), Owen Hargreaves (from Germany's Bayern Munchen) and Carlos Teves (from EPL side West Ham United). Much controversy surrounds Carlos Tevez's transfer from a South American team to West Ham last year. The EPL does not allow third-party ownership, unlike many leagues in South America et al, meaning (I think) that the club must own the rights to the player rather than an entity/person/group not associated with the league or team for which said player plays. For example, according to EPL rules Carlos Tevez cannot play for any EPL club while his rights are owned by a third-party and here's where the controversy comes in. Tevez's rights are owned by one Kia Joorabchian and it was over that fact that West Ham were fined 11 million dollars, though crucially, not docked points, allowing them to remain in the EPL this year thanks to Tevez's stellar end of season goal scoring run. Sheffield United, the team directly affected by Tevez's ability to help West Ham win, have started various court proceedings to try to be re-instated to the EPL, though with the start of the season, it doens't look like that will happen. Now however, Tevez's owner has paid West Ham to allow Tevez to move to Man U and has himself accepted money from Man U in return for relinquishing Tevez's rights meaning that Man U own Tevez outright. Bringing us to last weekend's match. Tevez didn't play, but Wayne Rooney broke his foot and looks to be out for up to two months, meanging that the addition of Tevez looks to be crucial in Man U's quest to retain the EPL title.
One more thing about Man U, I hate hate hate Cristiano Ronaldo. That guy is a fcuking diving, whining, winking, nancy-pants cheat and a disgrace to football. In last year's Fantasy EPL game that I play he was the top scorer overall with something like 200-odd points. And it just gets my goat that he doesn't get more yellow cards for simulation (the act of pretending to be fouled when contact was minimal or non-existent). He may as well be Italian the way he falls over if you so much as breathe on him. I can't deny that he has skill and speed, but I also can't understand how the world can constantly laud him when his play is so often disgraceful.
Anyway, on to other scores:
Week One:

Sunderland 1 - Tottenham 0
Coached by former Celtic and Man U star Roy Keane, a good start for promotion side Sunderland, as they down T'ham on S'land's home turf, the Stadium Of Light. Of particular note for Portlanders, S'land played the Timbers two years ago in a friendly and have forged a lasting relationship with S'land's supporters. S'land will be a side to root for this campaign.

West Ham 0 - Manchester City 2
After a battle against relegation last year and with losing their savior, Carlos Tevez, to Man U, West Ham will undoubtedly be relegated this year. Of note: Man City's new owner, former Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra (who was ousted in a bloodless coup last year), has had a warrant issued for his arrest. How his purchase of Man City went through is beyond me.

Middlesborough 1 - Blackburn 2
Blackburn are a bunch of t*ts.

Everton 2 - Wigan 1
A promotion side last year, Wigan have started on the wrong foot, losing to perennial EPL middle-of-the-table side Everton.

Derby 2 - Portsmouth 2
Promotion side Derby gain a point against Pompey in a decent first showing.

Bolton 1 - Newcastle United 3
Yawn

Aston Villa 1 - Liverpool 2
Captain Steven Gerrard scores on a marvelous free kick to win all 3 points for L'pool.

Manchester United 0 - Reading 0
I like Reading alright, but Stevie Hunt is something that rhymes with his last name that girls have. It was he who dropped his knee making contact with Chelsea goalkeeper Petr Cech's head, cracking his skull and taking him out of action for a large part of last year.

Chelsea 3- Birmingham 2
See above

Arsenal 2 - Fulham 1
After losing star striker Thierry Henry in the offseason, Arsenal manage a victory over "American" team Fulham. Fulham have US international players Carlos Bocanegra, Clint Dempsey and Brian McBride and are a fairly entertaining side to watch for that reason. Arsenal goalkeeper Jens Lehmann is a crazy b*stard. I mean he's literally a nut job. Kind of a jerk off too.

Take that, Biff.

-- Edited by EA Sports at 10:08, 2007-08-17